A Heart By The Window

… 5.15 am.

She stands there.

By Window.

Not moving.

While everyone still dreaming….

Minutes gone by.


Two teardrops falling slowly through her cheeks and smiling lips.

Falling from that kind and soft eyes.

But looks tired.

Tired from longing.

Longing for that man.

The man, she believe, is the one … and still.

Because there´s still hope.

A little left.

Inside… her heart is broken.

For the second time. 

Move on is the only way she can think of.

Letting go.



She starts to think of having a family.

Taking care of her own children.

Taking care of her man.

Her own family.

Others will follow.

She plans.

With the man who wants her.

As much as she wants him.

For the rest of her life.

The life balance she needs.

A completion.

Time won´t wait for her.

Drowning or fighting.



A new day has come.

That one day it all will come true.

Hope. Wish. Pray.

Then … she walks … by the beach ….

When The Universe Conspires ….

„So, I love you, because the entire universe conspires to help me find you.”

The Alchemist – Paolo Coelho.

All I know is that line from Paolo is true. I said so, because it happened to me. Even though I am still struggling with my own feeling, do I really love you or the universe conspires to help you finding me.

Now, I am not 100% sure and fully understand of what might happen after what happened just a few days before New Year.

Do you still remember, I have asked you once last year? Do you still remember how we met each other after getting lost contact in early 2008? Well, I did not remember anymore, because for me, I am already being thankful just seeing your face, have funny chats about what happened since we lost contact and now … we don´t talk to each other anymore.

I don´t want to lose contact again with you, but it seems that I have hung my wishes too high in the sky.

So, it looks like that we are going to lose contact to each other once again. And if the entire universe conspires to help us finding each other again, then I do really hope, pray and wish that we don´t have to find each other ever again.

How I miss your laugh, your smile and your naughty face so much, H.

Liebe Grüße,


Season and Reason

„ Some comes for a season, some comes for a reason. “

H, which one are you? The “some”? A season? Or a reason? I will never know, unless you tell me.

H, how are you?

Hey, do you see the crescent and it´s three little stars as friends in the sky now? It´s not a bright and glow fullmoon anymore. But those three little stars still beside the crescent.

How long we don´t talk to each other like best friends do? I don´t remember anymore. Do you? Or, you are still very busy with your life there? Maybe we will never talk to each other again from now on.

As you wish….

H, can you see now the sun slowly sneaking from the horizon? I wish, we can see sunrise together by the beach one day. But, it is just a wish. Some wishes are fulfilled and some are not. Still, nice to have a wish, right?

Montag Morgen. Ich hab die Tür hinten geöffnet und ... Guten Morgen, Agung! Ach ... wie schön die Welt, oder? Mindestens hier :)
Montag Morgen. Ich hab die Tür hinten geöffnet und … Guten Morgen, Agung! Ach … wie schön die Welt, oder? Mindestens hier 🙂

Like a wish, that this all won´t be so complicated. Just like what you said.

H, no one wants complication in life. But you know what, if it´s not complicated, then no one wants to struggle to make their dreams come true. No one will fight for their life. What is the special thing about life, if you don´t struggle for what you want, what you wish for, what you dream of?

H, the sky is getting brighter and more orange. The sun is coming. A new day has come.

H, by telling me to go out and have dinner with a male friend, it´s the same way you want me to leave you. I am not good at pretending. So, that´s what I think, you want me to do. I hope, you can understand your own words and meaning. As you wish, I´m leaving. Even I never want to do that.

As I said before and I will tell you again and again that I won´t push your heart. You are free to decide. I am free to decide. We are free to decide. Still, there are decisions in life that we have to decide together.

H, so many things I want to share with you. I miss you…. Still.

You were online on Whatsapp. But, I think, from now on I just have to stare at my hand phone and hope, one day your pop up message will show. Just to know you are there. Healthy and happy.